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The 10 Commandments of People Who Self-Sabotage – What They Say & Why



  1. “Nothing I do will make a difference!”
    Belief: I am a victim.
  2. “What will they say?”
    Belief: What family, friends, and people I want to like and accept me think, is more important than what I think or value, especially in relation to my own life.
  3. “I need him [her] in my life.”
    Belief: I cannot be [do it] alone.
  4. “I am going to make her do what she should do for me!”
    Belief: I have enough power and influence to force people to change their behaviour.
  5. “I would have that by now if only…”
    Belief: A good excuse will cover up my lack of action and progress in the significant areas of my life.
  6. “All my life people keep saying this or that about me, but they just don’t understand.”
    Belief: I am not responsible for the negative patterns that show up in my life, it’s my circumstances.
  7. “I’m not as smart or as attractive or as educated or as wealthy or as connected as…”
     Belief:  When I focus on the assets of others I don’t need to admit that I do not like myself or value myself highly or believe in myself enough.
  8. “I could have that, if I really wanted it.”
    Belief: It’s not that I truly can’t do something or I find it difficult, my lack of performance is due to motivation
  9. “I need more time to think about it”
    Belief: I cannot admit that I am afraid.
  10. “I don’t need help, everybody has setbacks in life.”
    Belief: If I ask for help it means that something is seriously wrong with me.


Cheryll Messam is a Personal & Professional Development Consultant, Life, Corporate & Career Coach, Professional Resume Writer and LinkedIn Profile Writer. She helps professionals overcome workplace,  job hunting, career management, emotional intelligence, self-confidence challenges, as well as set and accomplish life & work goals. To learn more about our services click on the links below and feel free to contact Cheryll via email:  or phone: 954-762-7942 (Int);  876-357-6397 (Local)

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How Would You Spend 30 Pieces of Silver?




Perhaps you know that , during this Holy Week of the Easter Season, the typical focus for persons of Christian Faith is the suffering, death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  However there is a sub-theme of betrayal , which is an integral part of the story of Jesus Christ’s life, death and resurrection. In his case, Jesus was betrayed and handed over to his enemies by one of his own disciples.  The price was thirty pieces of silver.


Sadly, betrayal features strongly in human relationships. We are at risk of experiencing  it at the workplace, in politics, among friends, and yes, even in marriage and the family system.  Betrayal is bad enough as it is, but it often comes with a sting or bad, and long lasting aftertaste, one very hard to get rid of. Often betrayal delivers a surprising blow, and usually by someone close.  Sometimes, that someone is you/me betraying self. Read the Rest…

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