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Stop taking things personally! If you more often than not take things personally you are indulging in what psychologists call “Personalization.” Personalization is a cognitive distortion. So what is a cognitive distortion, you may wonder? A firm belief that something is true, when it is not. The problem is that the erroneous belief negatively impacts how we see ourselves, others, and the world in which we live. This in turn influences our poor decision making in the significant areas of our lives. Read the Rest…by
From time to time you may encounter someone in your family system, workplace, religious context, school, or business etc. that you don’t get along with, and for good reasons. However, based on who the person is, you may not have the freedom to terminate your connection or avoid the person. Instead of feeling trapped, fearful, anxious, or angry, take action to improve your relationship. Here are some tips that I have used personally and found to be quite helpful.
- Be Self-aware – All of us have ‘a way’ about us that people respond to, some warmly, and some with irritation. Become aware of how you impact others and adjust as necessary.
- Don’t Take Things Personally – Although people often intend things to be personally offensive as part of their carelessness and power play in interpersonal exchanges, learning how to refrain from taking things personally, ensures that you will not be controlled by others. You can even laugh and be genuinely lighthearted in situations that would typically provoke vexation. This effectively eliminates the typical breaks in relationships and cooling of friendships brought on by negative emotions. Keep your stride.
- Balance Togetherness with Separateness – Don’t always be available or predictable. Generally speaking, we humans place higher value on things in short supply.
- Affirm Others – Here are 4 messages that warm the heart. Physical – I like to look at you; Mental – I think you are intelligent; Social – I like your company and Competence – I think you do that well. No matter how objectionable someone is, at least one of these messages will apply to them. Be mature. You-have-it-within-you hard as it may be, and as undeserving as the other person(s) may be. Still, challenge yourself and freely affirm others with as many of these messages as you can. Use your own words and style to convey these messages. Trust me–they work and Yes, over time, they ‘put-down-the-gun.’
- Apologize & Clean Up When You Make a Mess – Didn’t we learn this in kindergarten? Each time your actions cause hurt, harm or setbacks for someone, and you are made aware of it, offer a simple “I’m sorry” with no qualifiers, and ask how you can make things better, then take swift action on what you can do to restore normalcy in the situation.
While we may not need a specific person, we do need people. Therefore, becoming life-long learners on improving our people skills and by extension our relationships with others, has a direct impact on our quality of life and our overall sense of well-being. I hope you found these tips helpful and that you will continue to grow more adept in handling your various relationships in satisfying ways.
If getting-along with others is an issue for you that you have decided to overcome, we would be happy to support your personal development through our consultations or coaching services. Reach out to us at firstname.lastname@example.org We look forward to being your ally for excellence in life & work!
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Coach Cheryll Messam, CPC, ELI-MP, is a Certified Professional Life & Corporate Coach, Energy Leadership Master Practitioner, and owner of YOU in Mind Jamaica, a personal and professional development company. Coach Cheryll helps local and international clients overcome their workplace, career management, job search, productivity, self-confidence and goal setting challenges.
Cheryll Messam, CPC, ELI-MP
Certified Professional Life & Corporate Coach
Energy Leadership Master Practitioner
You in Mind Jamaica – Your Ally for Excellence in Life & Work
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One of my very favourite authors and professionals is Brian Tracy. He is a Personal & Professional Development and Sales Expert, and he shared these 5 ways to be charming in a 2009 blog post. However, I like to think of them as gifts we can give each person we meet, each day; so that they feel good about themselves like VIPs. When we feel good about ourselves, it is unlikely that we will be mean and destructive of others. There is just something truly compelling about feeling good from the inside out, that makes you just want to pass it on to others. Can you imagine the ripple effect if this was a human norm…or even a family norm? So here are the 5 ways ways we can give others VIP treatment. Read the Rest…by