One Main Way to Love Yourself More



Stop taking things personally! If you more often than not take things personally you are indulging in what psychologists call “Personalization.” Personalization is a cognitive distortion. So what is a cognitive distortion, you may wonder? A firm belief that something is true, when it is not. The problem is that the erroneous belief negatively impacts how we see ourselves, others, and the world in which we live. This in turn influences our poor decision making in the significant areas of our lives.

In Personalization you turn the spotlight on yourself, and your life events and interactions are seen through the lens of…you…as the reason why XYZ negative thing happened. You step into a room. You notice that the group nearest you has stopped talking. Why? They were discussing me. Your child made a destructive choice which has publicly embarrassed the family. Why? I am a bad parent. Your spouse has left you and the kids to be with someone else. Why? If only I was more attentive. You’ve been job hunting for 6 months, and been on several interviews, but no offers. Why? Something is wrong with me, I’ll never get a job. You visit a store, all the customer service clerks ignore you. Why? They don’t like me. Your younger brother is getting married today and you are secretly upset. Why? I’m better looking and I have always been more popular. How come he’s getting married before me? The driver in front of you is driving very slowly. Why? He wants me to be late.

If you have self-worth issues, and/or unhealthy boundary issues with yourself and others, this is fertile ground in which to develop the destructive habit of personalization. When you tend to personalize things, you don’t believe that you are the kind of person to whom people will naturally show love, care and respect. You also make a connection between the actions of others and yourself without basis. What is more, you are essentially holding to the view that, people have you constantly in mind, and that you have a tremendous influence over why others do what they do. However, one the most significant underlying beliefs that may fuel your habit of personalization, is your belief that people are not to be held responsible for their own actions. Give yourself a break. LOVE yourself more. Stop taking things personally! Begin today!

Cheryll Messam is a Personal & Professional Development Consultant, Life, Corporate & Career Coach, Professional Resume Writer and LinkedIn Profile Writer. She helps professionals overcome workplace,  job hunting, career management, emotional intelligence, and self-confidence challenges, as well as set and accomplish worthy life & work goals. To learn more about our services click on the links below and feel free to contact Cheryll via email:  or phone: 954-762-7942 (Int);  876-357-6397 (Local)

International Clients Click Here!

Local Clients Click Here!


Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather